The Veteran's Tale

The following text is pulled from the little-known but lauded mini-hex-crawl Treasure of the Hideous One (psst: yar-har if you can't be bothered to shell out two bucks). The original image is way hard to read and parse, so I got a computer to read it for me and now you can copypasta the text to your players. As Grisbaldos seems to be an important ghost, I suggest reading the thing a couple times and making some notes on what he might say. Same goes for Rosentos. Also, encourage the PCs to research into this tale, so they at least realize all this happened like a century ago.

I changed just one part, where the bit about marching into the setting sun was a bit confusing, to say north. But maybe you can decide if the text stands.

The Veteran's Tale

Tharakimeios the Scribe wrote this story as he heard it from the lips of Fondalus the Soldier, and can attest that the words are true. Fondalus said:

The soldiers marched from Luin 7 days to the north. On the seventh day, they reached the banks of a great river and camped. That night, a score was lost. One Grisbaldos told the soldiers that spirits worked against the troop, and he told them to go no further. 

These words were carried to Rosentos and repeated as they were heard. Rosentos held his anger, calling his captains and saying, "These are the words of Grisbaldos, who has spoken poorly before." Rosentos then repeated Grisbaldos' words and asked for his captains' counsel. The captains advised Rosentos that Grisbaldos was a danger, for he had spoken against him with evil mischief in his heart. They said, "Grisbaldos is an enemy, and he must be slain." Rosentos spoke against this punishment, but the captains said, "Do not leave this evil wraith at your bosom to destroy us all." So moved by the entreaties of his captains, Rostos agreed.

At dawn three of the captains who were loyal to Rosentos delivered Grisbaldos to him and the punishment was given out. Grisbaldos was buried under a cairn of rocks beneath a great oak. 

All through the day, Grisbaldos' followers spoke softly as the troop marched up the river. The way along the river was blocked by swampy shares where the feet of the horses could not make progress. Rosentos called his captains and asked what they should do. Espsisies and Melhos said the troops should turn back, but Fondalus advised the making of rafts. Rosentos agreed, and the men built two score rafts to pole through the swamp. The rafts were well-loaded with fruit and water, for the way through the swamp was unknown.

For three days, the troop traveled through the swamp. It was here that Hedric the Lame disappeared. Five more were lost to fevers from the bad night air. On the third day, Turim Fellbeard sighted a village on stilts. The villagers greeted the soldiers in long slender boats and led them to their town. Rosentos summoned the village chief to his raft, telling the chief of the great duke. Then Rosentos gave the chief many gifts of glass and ivory. This pleased the chief, who bade a feast for that night. The men ate well, but the seer Kerid Bey said that all should leave. That night, Rosentos had the men sleep with their sandals bound. When a great fog came up, the troop left the village in secrecy. Turim Fellbeard and his raft were lost that night.

After much travel, the soldiers sighted a second village. Remembering the dark night before, Rosentos gave orders to pass the village by and not meet with its inhabitants. The troop made for a thick stand of reeds nearby. From this thicket there came a shower of arrows as the men drew close. Many warriors came out of the reeds in their slim boats called ca-noos. They fell upon the raft of Tuchmora and slew many, but Rosentos ordered the rafts together. A great fight was made on this platform, but the bowmen of the troop kept the warriors at bay. The fight began in the morning and continued all day. At last, the warrior chief approached and asked the forgiveness of such mighty soldiers. His tongue was strange, so Kerid Bey told his words. Those of the first village, he said, were demons and enemies of his village. The chief thought the soldiers' rafts were the craft and evil art of the demons.

The chief brought gifts of gold and feathers, and he ordered food to be set out for all the men. That night, the men slept dry for the first time in many days. Still Rosentos told his men to keep their sandals laced.

That day, the troop lost 7 men. Tuchmora had an arrow in his thigh, and Fondalus had many cuts on his body.

For several days, Rosentos stayed at the village. Each night, he spoke at length with the chief. Each day, the chief and his warriors brought more gifts of gold and jewelry. Finally, the captains spoke to Rosentos. "We marvel at the generosity of this chief. Surely you, in your talks with him, have learned the source of his treasure. Share this with us, and we will swear to give you the General's share, as well as make you the duke's treasurer so that you might collect his share." To this Rosentos agreed.

The next day, when the chief visited, Rosentos plied him with words and learned from him the source of his wealth. Beyond the edge of the swamp, he said, there lay a great stone house in which treasures might be found. Only the brave could go there, warned he, for the land around it was filled with evil spirits. If Rosentos would drive the spirits away, the chief would show him where to go. Resentos agreed and called the captains to him. Each man was to prepare himself. Those taken ill by fevers and the night air of the swamp were to wait for the return of the troop. The next day, a troop of two score men left.

On the first day, swamp beasts attacked the troop. One beast swallowed a raft, and all on it were lost. Kerid Bey was thrown over the side. The men fired arrows at the beasts, but they scorned these blows and dragged Kerid the seer beneath the waters with them. That day, six men, the captain Melkos, and the seer Kerid Bey were lost. That night, the villagers built a great fire and chanted songs. No man knew the words to these songs, and some claimed they were death songs calling evil spirits.

In the morning, Rosentos roused the men, promising them all an extra share. On the second day, the chief led the troop to dry land. The land was the place of the spirits where the treasure lay. Rosentos consulted his captains. Some wanted to go back and wait for the others, but Fondalus and others did not want to face the swamp beasts for no avail. Rosentos decided to leave a small force behind to protect the rafts. Rosentos would lead the rest of the troop inland to find the stone house. 

For several weeks, the men remained, waiting for word from Rosentos. Perils took the men in the night, until only five remained. Fondalus deemed it wise to return to the village, for now the men there would be healed. Taking one raft, the men set out. On the journey, Fondalus was beset with a fever. Weakened and ill, he could not return, and the men could not find the village without him. Their searchings took them out of the swamp, and so they brought their captain Fondalus back to the lands of the duke. He so survived to tell this tale.

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Stars and Wishes to feel good in your britches

You may know about stars and wishes. At the end of the elf-game sesh, players say what they liked about the session and what they hope happens next time.

My group was already doing MVP votes to end games, with the winner getting a Luck-bennie to use in the next get-together. Goes all chef-kiss. But I wanted to try S&WS as we played some S&W.

I realized stars often stroke the GM's ego. So, when we adopted S&Ws, I decided we will have the star be your MVP vote for a PC player, and the wish be as per usual. And I retained my title as humblest bestest DM.

MVP really is a good way to bond the crew. Try it out, even if there is no reward. Slay strong, people!

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Lodoss Companion free link and thoughts

In the early days of RPGs in Japan, some nerds translated D&D and did a replay of it in a computer programming magazine (you can read it in English here!). Then it turned into a really, really good looking anime. But the replay could not be monetized further, for the rules were (c) some TSR dudes. Thus, Lodoss Companion rules were made. And they aren't bad. I translated them for you to read. I've still got like 40 monsters to get through some day, but still, it's a playable RPG--free until AI gets to the point where it can read Google Docs and terminate you--and I translated most of the adventures for it too. 

Me and the boys, we played through it for about a year and a half, and I've got thoughts on how I would run it now, for while it was a fine system, it wasn't as fast as I'd like. 

Since you have to roll a % die at or under your chance to hit minus the enemy's defense number,  which is a bit of a pause to calculate, I think these days, as simple lizard brain likes adding more, I'd rather go,

GM: What's your roll?
PL: 43 under [the] 60 [I need to hit] for 5 dmg [cuz all good players roll damage at the same time].
GM: Sees that the monster has a Defense of 10, and 53 is not gonna go over 60. Your blow connects.

Simple. And the defense number of the monster stays secret. I think it will still work when FS or DE scores go beyond 100. The tricky part will be tempering player's expectations to crit on rolling 10% or less sometimes (if your chance to hit would be 0, you can still roll and a 10 or less on the die is a hit, and a 1 is a crit).

Armor has soak in Lodoss C, which can be a bit slower to deal with, but at this point I'm used to it from years of LC, FAGE RPG, and another game I translated for you, Double Moon. If I get sick of it though, I will probably just change the soak rule to a bonus hit points rule instead.

I hate keeping track of the Lodoss buff spells that last 10 rounds. So instead I'm thinking that each round the caster wants to maintain the buff, they have to pay 1MP, and the initial casting can be cheaper.

 

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If Wonder Woman Had a Knife

This knife, named Ghost Catcher, holds the soul of the last thing it slayed (yes, it can kill a ghost). The owner can ask the blade questions, and get answers the soul would know. 

The DM also rolls their dice loudly whenever a question is asked. If the dice say so, the weilder and soul switch vessels. 

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DCC spells with Star Wars Dice

So, I'm currently mulling my way through a fantasy take on the 1st edition of Star Wars WEG RPG. I know The Force has a lot of potential as a free-form magic system, but I can't help but wonder if it could work with DCC spells. After all, in both systems the higher the roll the better and also plus or minus dice are a thing. A wizard worrying about if they can dodge well if they also want to cast a spell seems pretty old school. Heck 1e SW is an old school game AFAIC.

Let's take the spell Enlarge as an example of what we have to work with. Here's the second successful entry, because it has some mechanics:

The target increases in size by 25%, conferring a +1 bonus to attacks, damage, and AC due to greater size and strength.

Easy! +1 to +2 is pretty easy to use in both RPGs. Once a bonus gets to +3 or higher, it's probably time to go for an extra die in Star Wars.

Let's look at a snippet of the highest result:

The caster transforms himself or one target into a giant of truly godlike proportions. The target grows to a height of up to 100’, at the caster’s discretion. The target’s statistics are similarly improved due to his new size, to a maximum benefit of +10 to attack, damage, and AC if he reaches the full 100’ height. At that full height, he also receives a bonus of up to +100 hit points. These hit points are lost first when the target is wounded, and damage suffered while giant-sized transfers to his normal hit point pool only if he first loses all 100 bonus hit points.

So what might a SWzian Judge rule? First, divide it by three and keep the remainder to get +3d6+1 benefits to attack, damage, and STR vs dmg rolls. The Hit Points are a tricky dicky tho. Maybe give some extra wounds instead. To be frank, I don't think a sword should have much chance of hurting a 100' giant anyways, so maybe the extra resistance to wounds granted by the armor boost is enough... Another option is to actually have HP in SW, but I dunno if that would feel good or not.

So yeah, I think there is potential for this idea. And don't worry, we can have spell corruption if a 1 is rolled on the wild die. Spell-burn would be easy too.

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The Best RPG for Megadungeons and Casual Players

Good megadungeon play has to be brisk if you want to make any progress. Rules have to be easy if you want your ADHD players to get into them. Thus it was that I asked the players of my drop-in-drop-out (you are welcome to join the Discord) mega dungeon setting (a town between Stonehell, Tegel, and a mega-forest) to put aside their FAGE RPG PCs and start rolling new murderhobos. FAGE is fine… for another kind of campaign, but lemme tell you about Icosahedron Cult.

It’s basically one page of rules, one page of items, and a page of extraneous DM stuff. 

The central mechanic is that you roll a pure, unmodified d20. You just need to roll as high as the DM says. So simple.

You don’t get any of the traditional D&D ability scores, and your rolls aren’t modified by any scores anyways. Instead, there are stats like gregariousness, greed, insanity, and psionic potential. 

There are a dozen classes to keep it interesting, and everyone is given character making prompts so they play someone ostensibly interesting and unique.

The weapons are random, but damage is by-class, so we don’t spend all session shopping. Armor is also as per class. 

For magic, I went with a risk-reward freeform system. 

So I’mma put the current version of ISOC RPG below. You can visit the Google Doc if you want to keep up with changes I make as we go along playtesting some more. Also, two columns for printing ease on the doc.

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Icosahedron Cult

Try to do things. The GM calculates the odds based on your class, level, methods, and if Saturn is in retrograde, then asks for a number or higher to be rolled on a d20.

Armor Class makes it easy for the GM

The number to hit a monster or PC is its AC+situational difficulty. When running a published module, convert descending AC to ascending and cap all ACs at 20 (if you try to shoot Smaug or the Demogorgon, you’ll need to roll a 20 with disadvantage).

The AC for PCs is 10 plus Tough Rating. Raise AC by 1 per five levels gained if not a Wizard.

Name your weapons

All PCs start with some gear. You can carry three ready items and ten backpack items; fill empty slots with rations, bandages, or lamp oil on your first outing. They also have armor that is responsible for their TR-AC. The armor has to be taken off to sleep or be sexy effectively.

Damage is class-based rather than weapon-based

If you hit with a weapon, deal damage equal to a roll of your class’s HD. If you crit (hit w/nat20 or LKYN, you deal an extra d30 damage.

Classes (you can choose after seeing your gear)

1. Fighter: d12 HD, 5TR. Gets to roll d24s instead of d20s when attacking, and 21~24 count as a 20.

2. Dungeoneer: d8 HD, 3TR. Basically a thief, so they have much better odds with locks and such. They know the Dao of dungeons and Gygaxian Naturalism.

3. Dwarf: d12 HD, 6TR. Autistically insist that they can smell gold and sense sloping passages.

4. Wizard: d6 HD, 0TR. Can risk HP to cast spells.

5. Elf: d7 HD, 2TR. Can cast aspersions. Great at bushcraft. Walks on snow. Sees far in daylight.

6. Catman: d8 HD, 3TR. Great reflexes and eyes. Amazing fashion sense.

7. Dogman: d9 HD, 2TR. Good at smelling and hearing. Needs walkies at dawn.

8. Half-succubus: d7 HD 1TR. Very good at seduction, but keeps fellow PCs in the friend zone. Learn one spell per wizard seduced.

9. Idolator: d7 HD, 2TR. Can ask their patron deities for miracles, racks up DCCish Deity Disapproval.

10. Half Orc Barbarian: d14 HD, 0TR. Has no patience to listen at doors. “LET’S GO! YAWP!"

11. Loathsome Gerblin: d6HD, 4TR. Okay at skulking.

12. Monk: d6HD, 5TR. Other PCs have harder rolls for unarmed or improvised weapon attacks, but not monks. Armed monks are cool too.

Name Your Spells

When you cast a spell, describe the desired effect to the GM and get your difficulty target. If you fail to cast a spell, take damage equal to the amount you failed by. If this knocks you to zero, you don’t die, but probably will if you take any further damage.

Six Scores (roll 3d6 for each one)

1. Lucky number: If you roll exactly this number when passing a check, you do a crit. LKYN score can be burned down to reach a crit range, or to change a die rolled by, for, or against you in your favor by an equivalent amount. Burn is permanent and a low LKYN is less useful, but you may get Luck rewards for being excellent, dudes or carousing.

2. Plot Armor: This number is the minimum HP you start with. Roll your HD at character gen and have that many HP or the plot armor number, whichever is higher. 

3. Gregariousness: Purely a roleplaying suggestion in stat form. Has no bearing on checks in and of itself.

4. Greed: as per GREG.

5. Insanity: A stat that raises when you see or do crazy things and fail to cope. If it reaches 20, you go AWOL-NPC.

6. Psionic Potential: Chance on a d100 that you are special and then the GM groans and adds rules for psionics to this game.

Finishing touches that you can get around to

Pick a former career. Decide how you know another PC in the party. Decide something that pisses you off and something you fear. Name a regret and an aspiration.

 

Title each level you gain; it’s an accomplishment

The surviving PCs should level up every once in a while, and maybe gain some luck too. Each level gained lets you roll your class HD and gain that many HP. After level five, you only gain TR in HP per level. After lvl 10, no more HP gains. 

You can survive beyond 0HP–albeit unconscious, slowly dying, and vulnerable–up to negative HP equal to your level.

Healing and comfort eating

Roll your HD with each ration spent to regain that many lost HP. At dawn, if you slept 6 hours, had breakfast, and shared a bit of backstory, you get lvl×HD rolls of HP back. 

Monsters and Combat

Do crits only on a 20 (no lucky number unless a well statted NPC), which are usually just horrible things instead of the d30 extra damage that PCs use.

Unless monsters surprise the PCs, the PC attackers go first. Have attacks checked before spells are cast. Monsters get a chance to hurt a spellcaster before the spells go off, in which case it can’t be cast that round, so keep those wizards protected!

GEAR

Warrior types (one of these d6):

1. Sword (d10 subtable):

1. Katana edgelord

2. Zweihander

3. Browdsowd

4. Gladius

5. Short sword

6. Falchion

7. Scimitar

8. Sabre

9. Sword-cane

10. Double sword

2. Ax (d5)

1. Bearded

2. Throwing

3. Broadaxe

4. Sickle

5. Adze

3. Smasher (d10):

1. War hammer

2. Mace

3. Club

4. Morningstar 

5. Cudgel

6. Flail

7. Mitre

8. Crowbar

9. Quarterstaff

10. Nunchaku

4. Polearm (d5):

1. Poleaxe

2. Halberd

3. Pike

4. Scythe

5. Billhook

5. Brass knuckles

6. Spear (d6)

1. Trident

2. Bident

3. Pitchfork

4. Spear spear

5. Quiang

6. Javelin

Priest types (d3):

1. As per warrior (roll on their table), but base your god on the weapon.

2. Whip

3. Giant Cross

Granola types (d8):

1. Falcon 

2. Bow

3. Doge

4. Longbow

5. Sling

6. Bola

7. Boomerang 

Spirits
Mage types weapon is a (d10):

1. Cultist dagger

2. Staff

3. Caduceus

4. Imp (like a falcon)

5. Psychokinesis

6. Evil eye, bad luck (foe bonks into walls and stuff)

7. Heavy tome

8. Pew pew wand

9. Just a gun

10. Sparkly fingers

Thief types (d10):

1. Dagger (d5):

1. Sax

2. Stiletto

3. Dirk

4. Main gauche & short sword

5. Kris

2. Blackjack

3. Blowgun

4. Garrote

5. Rapier

6. Flintlock

7. Ninja star

8. Straight razor

9. Crossbow 

10. Kabong

D12 additional gear:

1. A dutch oven, a frypan, some garlic bulbs, a bedroll, a voodoo doll, a cane, 20’ hempen rope, reading lamp, and a dictionary

2. A bedroll, an area guide complete with restaurant reviews, some small scissors, a dagger, a comb, a long flute, and an ass

3. A little, indentured servant; a book of fantastical voyage accounts; four small daggers; spidersilk cloak, and a matryoshka doll-set

4. Mom’s sword, 10’ chain, a box of mummy-dust, a mirror, a bone-straw, a letter from a lost-love

5. A wool cloak, a bedroll, straw shoes, flint and tinder, and a celt (stone ax)

6. Some incense cones (six aromas), a shaving blade, a large, straw hat, a felt mat, a book of sutras

7. d3 holy statuettes, a whiskey flask, a jar of glow-worms, a walking-stick, a pamphlet of sensual-massage techniques, a hand-puppet, and a linen blanket

8. A necklace of ears, a macuahuitl, white face-paint, three wigs,20’ rope, a lantern, a handcart as long as a tall man

9. A looking-glass, a book of constellations, a jar of space-slugs, a stiletto, a ruff, pantaloons, and a leather blanket

10. A hand mirror, some prayer-beads, a treasure map, a giant wrench, thirteen porcelain doll heads is a sack, 20’ rope, and two blankets

11. A chess set, some bandages, a bow, a quill full of arrows, a lamp, 20’ rope, a foppish hat, a shepherd's dog, and a chastity belt

12. A sling, seven blessed sling stones, the bronze skull of Dungid-kin in a sack, a tattooing-kit, a wicker fish-trap, LKYN feet of rope, a fleece.

This page is just to help the GM

Chance and its difficulty number

Slim chance in hell

1~4% 20 despite disadvantage

5%: 20

6~10%: 19+

11~15%: 18+

Unlikely

16~20%: 17+

21~25%: 16+

26~30%: 15+

31~35%: 14+

36~40%: 13+

Okay sure

41~45%: 12+

46 ~50%: 11+

51~55%: 10+

Likely

56~60%: 9+

61~65%: 8+

66~70%: 7+

71~75%: 6+

Cakewalk

76~80%: 5+

81~85%: 4+

86~90%: 3+

91~95%: 2+

Don’t need to roll

96~100% 

Spell considerations

Base            10-[½LVL]

Pure utility        -5

Target has higher

HD than caster        +1/5HD imbalance

d4 dmg            +0

d6 dmg            +1

d8 dmg            +2

d10 dmg        +4

d12 dmg        +6

d20 dmg        +10

Multiple targets        +Total HD 

they have 

collectively 

more than 

the caster

Duration 10 mins    +0

An hour        +1

Days            +3

Year and a day        +5

Permanent        +7

Slow spell/ritual    -3

Valuable reagents used    -1~-5

Luck Rewards

PCs were heroes    +1LKYN

PCs had heavy losses    +d3LKYN

PCs stopped a big bad    +d10LKYN

Carousing Table

PC player individually decide what die to roll from a d4 to a d30; great risk=potential Luck reward. We’re gonna repurpose my Montage Table for the good and bad results.

• 1~5: d3 Luck gain, and an adventure rumor.

• 6~12: d6 Luck gain, roll on the good Montage Table results.

• 13~15: d8 Luck gain, roll on the good results.

• 16~22: d10 Luck gain, roll on the bad results.

• 23~29: d12 Luck gain, roll on the bad results.

• 30: d14 Luck gain, roll on the bad results.

  
  

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