What happens when you end the session in the Mega Dungeon

Staying in any megadungeon when playing a drop-in game is a risky enterprise (cuz sheeeet, I dunno if you are gonna show to play in a week or three months sometimes, ya crazy IRL players). Your character has to try and find their way safe and sound back to base.

Roll a die based on the judge’s surmization* of what the party make-up is looking like. Rolling low is good.

Party is fine, they have a well-thought route back: d16     
Party is a little worn down, deep, or laden: d20    
Party is low on HP or supplies, is carrying heavy junk, or lost: d24

Party is ragged, hunted, or pissed off the gods: d30

So when it is time for you to roll, roll once and compare that roll to your ability scores. If half or more of your scores were rolled at/under with the die, then you are fine. If the majority of your scores were not rolled at/under, we got a problem. 

Determine randomly among the failed-against scores, what will be your downfall and consult the below table:

Failed score            Problem (fumbles are rolling the highest number on the die)

• STR                Nearly starved on your way out. Ration needs doubled next outing. 
  
  Fumble: d4 STR dmg too, hungry Hank. 
  
  
  
• DEX                You dropped something, determined at random, down a hole. Fumble: whole pack! 
  
  Fumble: An arch-enemy came across it.
  
  
  
• CON               Dungeon crud; start the next outing down half HP. 
  
  Fumble: Very bad crud. Save or die!
  
  
  
• INT                 You got lost in the dungeon. Each room entered has a 10% chance of having your PC (your responsibility to check; play a backup PC while searching). We have [your lost PC's level] sessions to find you. 
  
  Fumble: You are stuck in a trap, enslaved, or jailed and will have to be broken out.
  
  
  
• WIZ                You were robbed of something while unawares. A monster has it now. If it was your lucre, you don’t get XP for treasure until you get it back.
  
  Fumble: You also take the result of one more ability score failure, determined at random.
  
  
  
• CHA               You managed to piss off a faction. They know what you look like. 
  
  Fumble: Fatwa!

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*Look, maybe surmization is not a word, but surmise sounds weird as a noun, cromulent tho it may be, and judgement would have been redundant sounding in that sentence. I could have reworded it, but here we are.
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My DM Bugbears

This is a list of comments and things that constantly come up in my campaigns, sometimes cantankerously or contentiously so. I don't always get into them, cause RPG settings often win out due to being a bit of a buzz kill to shoot down.

1. I hate dark vision. You don’t get darkvision. You are supposed to be scared and afraid.
   Underworlders see in the dark cuz evil is metal AF.
   Permanent light sources should be rare. No rods of light without a catch.
   
   
2. Torches suck. Candles suck.
   Torches blind you. Candles flicker out and are dim.
   Torches are not so easy to just put together. You need stick, wick, and fuel.
   Advanced darkness is awesome tho. Now everything sucks like a candle.
   
   
3. "What class does the party need?"
   My sibling in Christ, the dice decide what your ability scores are, then you choose a class/species based on what you can make do with.
   
   
4. Clerics should worship all the gods, patrons, and saints that they can. 
   
   
5. Molotov oil flasks should not be a thing.
   I'm kinda open to high-proof alcohol and alchemy tho.
   
   
6. It's not easy to backstab in combat.
   It’s mostly about ambushes. If you check to creep or your fighter friend sets you up for the alley-oop, I'm down to clown.
   Backstabs should not be limited to the thievin classes.  
   
   
7. Orcs shouldn't have babies. BTW all dwarves are statues and elves are immortal in both directions.
   
   
8. "I hit him with the flat of my sword." If you knock out someone, you have just endangered their life. 
   Maybe I'd make an exception if we were playing a pulp, Hollywood-logic game.
   
   
9. Blacksmiths and merchants shouldn't hold much interest in purchasing used gear, except as scrap.
   This ain't Final Fantasy.
   
   
10. PCs should be constantly freaking out and making knee-jerk actions. 
    I think fumble rules help here. 
    You ever see someone try to shoo a bat out of their house? Now imagine it's them trying to deal with a spider the size of a doberman. 
    
    
11. "I aim at the one that is most hurt." 
    No you fucking don't. In the chaos of battle, you panic a bit and flail at the closest guy or, if you are really cool, one that not standing next your friend. 
    It's dark in here and everyone is dodging about. You are lucky you don't hit allies more often.
    When in doubt, I ask the dice who you attack. 
    Choosing slightly stabbed targets reeks of playing the game as a boardgame and munchkinism.
    
    
12. Locals should kinda hate you.
    You are grubby murder-hobos that are crazy enough to go into holes.
    You spend all your money carousing.
    You try to sell junk and are constantly trying to bargain up the price.
    You got those demi-human freaks with you. Demi-hyooms should be a rare spice, BTW.
    You never bathe.
    I'll make a bit of an exception in an isekai setting. 

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A Couple Shadowdark Roll20 Marcos

Was talking with a dude on Discord. They shared a couple things they made that take advantage of Roll20’s ability in recent years to embed outside images. So here is a macro for calling up some rules:

&{template:default} {{name=ShadowDark RPG Rules}} 

?{Choose Rule|

Actions,[image](https://i.imgur.com/M4rqmsd.png)|

Movement / Distance,[image](https://i.imgur.com/2BWQwpc.png)|

Spellcasting,[image](https://i.imgur.com/XMQz7Yz.jpeg)|

Spell Focus,[image](https://i.imgur.com/03UGujq.jpeg)|

Resting,[image](https://i.imgur.com/2aDStQg.png)|

Campfire,[image](https://i.imgur.com/HFZbY0d.jpeg)|

Gear Slots,[image](https://i.imgur.com/EZgEHIr.png)|

Dying,[image](https://i.imgur.com/qTzdPWL.png)|

Stats,[image](https://i.imgur.com/EPqFgAY.jpeg)|

Scrolls & Wands,[image](https://i.imgur.com/E7pnaF5.jpeg)|

Luck Tokens,[image](https://i.imgur.com/infolZn.jpeg)|

Penance,[image](https://i.imgur.com/EvFIfVj.png)|

(Core Rules) Weapon Properies,[image](https://i.imgur.com/IKNvxra.jpeg)| Fleeing,[image](https://i.imgur.com/cFEqLrq.jpeg)|

Weapon Properties,[image](https://i.imgur.com/7WDfivf.png)|

}

And here is one about the classes and advancing

&{template:default} {{name=ShadowDark RPG Rules}} 

?{Choose Rule|

Advancement,[image](https://i.imgur.com/sAShKac.jpeg)|

Fighter Class,[image](https://i.imgur.com/mgV3YAG.png)|

Priest Class,[image](https://i.imgur.com/RZuHX9a.png)|

Priest Spell Table,[image](https://i.imgur.com/sKPMT5l.jpeg)|

Thief,[image](https://i.imgur.com/iSlMcOB.png)|

Wizard Class,[image](https://i.imgur.com/KGY2HF7.png)|

Wizard Talents & Spell Table,[image](https://i.imgur.com/AIGmLaa.jpeg)|

Carousing,[image](https://i.imgur.com/skvn0Ux.png)|

} 

Test em out. Report in the comments if broken.

If you wanna throw the creator some fava beans, you could buy this from them. They don’t have a blog.

If you want a free, clever, browser-based light timer thing I made for Shadowdark torch timing, go to this post.

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Let's Get Some Butts in the Seats

I mainly made this to advertise my online games when I'm gathering lost souls on Discord. I plan to run Shadowdark or Black Pudding, and DCCRPG Thracia. Incidentally, my email is down there if anyone wants to inquire about joining a game (Friday and Saturday evenings in the US times). 

I think Russ Nicholson, JV West, and Junji Ito will help get eyes on the things. 

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Making Your D&D Game Fookin Metal

 

Image from Thieve's World

Chaos vs Authority
Both sides don't give rip about the little people. It's a crapsack world, and the points of light left in it are established by oligarchs that desire to enslave and crush everyone because their god is Mammon. 

Demons whisper sweet seductions about taking down the rich, but their wanton means cause everyone to suffer in the end. Should the PCs manage to take down the rulers, they will likely become the thing that they hate or destroy the world. Then the next batch of PCs get to take on the old ones. Anything more metal than killing your past self?!

Look up Michael Moorcock for inspiration on this and countless other things in this post.

 

Monstrous Monsters
Make things that the PCs will fear and high five over somehow slaying. Buggers with eyes in the wrong places. Undead that spread their curse with their tainted claws. Aliens that gestate in your blood. Don't send in goblins*, send in something the players have never seen before.

The worst monster is man though. Give the PCs lots of leather-clad, spiked out agents of dark lords and demons to mow through.  Give plenty of them demonic alterations to show their alignment to weird, inhuman powers. See mutants, below.

 

Kick the Puppy, Run over the Kid
Nobody is safe in Metal World. That animal companion? Blat! That unicorn you befriended with rations? Head-shot! And children, won't somebody please think of the children?

In the original Toxic Crusader, they run over an innocent kid. Everyone wants to see the villains suffer after that. Make your players into holy avengers.

 

Mutants mutants mutants
I just think they're neat. Seed each adventure with at least one thing that will alter a PC's mind, soul, or body. Have the majority of the things have upside. Have a lot of them be mixed blessings. I wanna see your campaign turn into Gwar. Let's get your PC to bite off the head of the richest man in the world. 

Don't forget to throw mutants at your players too. Mutated people, freaked out animals, biblically-accurate angels. Keep it weird, and perverted. 

 

Guns
Bring guns into your game somehow. Uzis and ray-guns. Look to Fallout New Vegas for inspiration here. Baddies constantly have guns in an ideal elf game, and the PCs are gonna want them. Shoot them down for their avarice! 

How do the guns get in here? A wizard did it. I wanna show you a little trick mom taught me while you weren't around.

Be sure to use friendly fire rules too. You missed the baddie? When you definitely shot one of your buds fighting right next to it for exploding d12 damage. 

 

Behemoths
Big monsters show up to devastate the world. Harbingers... uh harbinge them! Prophesies of the end times are metal. Scaling a giant horror is metal. Fighting its immune system is metal. Giving it an aneurysm by blowing up an artifact in its brain is metal. Boss battles should feel like album covers come to life.

Epic Mounts
Give the PCs something crazy to ride. Dinosaurs with laser eyes. Human centipedes. That thing from the cover of the Heavy Metal movie. Flying is usually better, but sometimes a humble velociraptor or blond oast will do. 

 

Valhalla
You can either get crushed by plague or wars at home or go out there and seize the world by the throat, dying a glorious death. GMs, look for opportunities to give PCs a righteous end while doing something epic. Then ride a Valkyrie (epic mount) to the next crystal sphere.

Macguffins should be awesome, but come at great cost. The one ring has inspired a lot of metal. Strap a nuke to my head, I'll knock the smegger to oblivion! 

Crit Tables and Stakes
I wanna see you mangled. I want you leaving your friend behind to die because they can't walk and the spider-people are coming. Use crit tables like the ones at Winds of Chaos (I need to work on a non-warhammer version of those). Or I think Arnold K or Cavegirl or somebody made some good injury tables for when you run out of HP. Let the blood splatter in the survivor's faces.

On the other hand, don't forget to give your players metal damage moments too. "How do you want to do this?!" should be on your lips constantly, as they plow through their foes. 

 

Metal Albums and Songs are your inspiration
Get ideas for scenarios, spells, and gods from metal sources. I once wrote an RPG that was full of Dio songs. Ride the tiger! Hooah!

 

Dark Gods
Gods are Lovecraftian cancers on reality. They want your fealty. You are a plaything. If you encounter the Buddha on the road, cut him down! Leave the lawful clerics on the cutting room floor, or make them realize they serve the worst version of the fire and brimstone gods that are very angry at mankind.

 

(Tim Curry intensifies) SsSpAcE!
Get cosmic. The universe is full of dead titans and lurking horrors. Get the PCs onto strange planets and into horrific dimensions. Make space as scary as that dumb Event Horizon was supposed to be.

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* Goblinslayer gobbos get a pass, but you'd better have a session zero about the content there, bud. Gore is one thing, what those goblins do in episode one is a whole thing.

Share good posts with good goblins. Claytonian at the gmails.

Shadowdark torch timer that lives in your URL bar

Oh boy, another bookmarklet. 

This one puts a timer in the URL bar, at the end of it, and counts down, then alerts you when torches are going out. 

Visually, it plays nice with an open Roll20 tab.

 

 

First, try the 3 second version.

 

Satisfied it's working? Try the hour version. Drag it to your bookmarks bar for later use.

 

All good? Then try the LOST version for shits and giggles.

Bonus link: Advanced Darkness 

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GOZR Adventure Generator Bookmarklet

Let the java flow. Check out the GOZR category on this blog for more generators, including a gooz extractor and a monster maker. 

GOZVENTURES

Click this or drag it to your bookmarks toolbar. Fuckin use it with any D&Ds.

This one includes symbols from what appears to be a draft page that was never used in the final GOZR RPG. The symbols give good ideas.   Let's look at a sample output:

SEED: Awakening ENEMY: Wizard LOCATION: Mountain / Manse THING: Spellbook / Sorcerous orb COMPLICATION: Earthquake NPC: Cult leader TASK: Kill SYMBOL: Fish MONSTERS: Killer cats TREASURE: Frivolous Junk (7.2) Dice

So there is a creepy Innsmouth-looking wizard in a harbor-side cliff manor. He serves a Dagon-like entity and keeps his pet killer cats fed well with fish. He has started to cause earthquakes that are spreading the waters of the rivers that run through Gooz city's canals. A cultist of a rival god takes an interest in this and recruits the PCs to take care of it by stealing the wizard's Orb of Quakes (an egg from Shmagon's own sack). As the PCs make their way towards their objective quakes drop buildings and gangs taking advantage of the chaos get in their way.

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Redoing Threat Dice in GOZR

I did the math (and rounded up to the nearest 16%) (lord, someone should probably check my probabilities) to answer the question: 

What if you used the initiative die in J. West's GOZR as the threat die too?

This appeals to me because I'm the kinda dude that forgets threat if a macro isn't screaming at me about it.  

Remember, in GOZR, a 1 or a 2 counts as a threat realized.

Threat Die	% Chance (≥1 die rolls 1 or 2)	Equivalent d6 Roll ≤
3d4	87.5%	5
2d4	75%	5
3d6	70.37%	4
1d3	66.67%	4
2d6	55.56%	3
1d4	50%	3
2d8	43.75%	3
1d6	33.33%	2
1d8	25%	2
1d10	20%	1
1d20	10%	1*

*: Maybe you have to roll again and get 1 to 3 to represent this low percentage, or maybe let the common gooz (the monster with this sucky range) have their moment to shine anyways. I know I'd choose the later.

So it is possible for the PCs to win the initiative (they just need a 3 or better) but still have to deal with a threat coming to the fore.

I've been messing around with a similar, but simpler version of this change in my latest Fantasy Heartbreaker. 

In our roll20 GOZR games, I switched to a d20 for initiative and adapted the percentiles above to d20 ranges. The appeal of the honest d6 is tempting me tho. 

DCCRPG dwarf bookmarklet

Art from Doomslakers blog by JV West

If you click this text you should end up with a DCC dwarf that has a fun beard and one of the 50 jobs I blogged a while back because I was sick of samey dwarves. 

You can drag it to your task bar and have it always.

 It was important to me that each dwarf had a beard and shield. 

I was somewhat inspired by the Dwarf stuff James West has done. Head on over there, and here to flesh out those dwarves. Then buy Black Pudding.

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Tweaking DCC XP rewards

I should really ditch the DCC XP rewards system, as it is not OSR. It rewards fighting, so fighting becomes the thing. Some may counter that avoiding fights can also grant XP in DCC, but it is super hard to judge how much to give in those cases*.

But I am trying to give it another shake, for some reason. 

Readers of the blog may recall I messed with XP rewards for exploits. It worked too well. We had a player level up three sessions in a row. Way too fast. So I want something that is just slightly fast. I can still repurpose some of those exploits as Luck score rewards instead.

Here is what happens when we multiply XP rewards by a small bit, then round the numbers to the nearest integer:

Level	Base 1 XP	Base 2 XP	Base 3 XP	Base 4 XP
1	4	6	7	8
2	5	7	8	10
3	6	9	10	11
4	7	10	11	13
5	8	12	13	16
6	9	13	15	17
7	10	14	16	19
8	11	16	18	21
9	12	17	20	23
10	13	19	22	26

So if you have a level 1 dingus who is a survivor of a bloodbath, instead of getting 4XP, they actually get 8XP. The game Judge doesn't have to change their 0 to 4XP scale, they just need to show this table to the players.

How does this look in play? Well, I'll have to find out, but if we imagine average XP for average fights, we get something like this:

To Level	XP Needed	Avg XP/Enc	Encounters Needed
2	40	6.25	7
3	60	7.25	9
4	80	8.00	10
5	100	9.00	12
6	120	10.50	12
7	140	11.50	13
8	160	12.25	14
9	180	13.75	14
10	200	14.75	14

Maybe that will be fast enough, especially if I give XP for a variety of risky events. Maybe too fast! I may have a followup report some day.


*: Oh, you didn't know that the chest you didn't mess with was trapped... have uh, 3XP cause maybe you wouldn't have saved versus the poison needle in a hypothetical world? Oh, now you want to go back and mess with the chest cuz you think it being trapped means there will be treasure and if you survive the trap you'll get more XP?

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Consolation Hobbit

The following was posted to the defunct Basic Red blog. I scrounged it from The Wayback Machine, as the Internet Archive may be gone (again) someday itself. So, in other words, I didn't make this, but to quote Indian Jones, "that belongs in a museum!" 

I did fix a couple typos tho and edited in a little smidge of clarity /taste. Please forgive my thickie archeology. 

HD, Saves, Attack as Thief.
Requires 2 Ability Scores of 7 or less.
You may use no armor but leather and may use one-handed weapons/small weapons/d6 weapons, but nothing that needs two hands apart from a shortbow.
You may use a shield with a melee weapon but if you do then your weapons only do 1d4 damage. The shield grants you an extra point of AC bonus from what normal folk get. No speed penalty but you can carry a quarter of what a normal human can.

Instead of tying your bonuses to which specific values took the hit when you rolled up your pawn I'm just going to give you a list of hobbit abilities to choose from. Each poor score give you one point to buy an ability.

None of these hobbit abilities improve as you level and you can't choose any of them more than once. Even if your scores are reduced below 6 later in game, you do not get new abilities, but neither do you lose these abilities should your scores later improve.

Speaking of leveling, if you are part of any successful adventure or perilous scrape that results in a member of your party leveling up, then you level up as well. You don't track XP and certainly not gold for XP because your fortune is the fortune of others. You may still only advance to 8th level.

At 8th level, you gain any 3 Hobbit powers you don't already have, are free to establish your own private Estate which will attract a bunch of distant relatives to live on your lands, are considered fluent in the language of any creature you met in your journeys, and may choose to Retire. Retirement is important because you can come out of retirement ONCE and be treated like a level 16 Fighter by those around you, also gaining equivalent to-hit and save benefits.

The hobbit abilities you get to choose or roll from are:

1. Christina Ricci: If you wander away from the party for one Exploration Round and are not immediately accosted or killed then you may rejoin the party at any point by declaring yourself to be inside something nearby, like a chest or barrel or cabinet or monster corpse. You do not have to explain how you got there, it just has to be barely big enough for you to fit into; rooms, closets, wagons, etc are not a suitable use for this.
2. Charming Manner: +3 Reaction roll. Note that this does not confer a Morale bonus for retainers.
3. Escapist: Like "shields shall be splintered" without the shield; if you can explain how being little, thinking carefully, or leaps of faith might have spared you from what might have been a disastrous magical effect, hazard, or killing blow, then congratulations, you made it. Usable once per day. You can expend your use for the day to conveniently be able to wriggle out of bonds or through bars or whatever and get away, so long as there is the narrative possibility.
4. Barrel Rider: You gain a swim speed equal to the fastest land speed in the party, can hold your breath for at least 2 minutes, and do not suffer check/attack roll penalties associated with being underwater.
5. Forager: You have a 3/6 chance of finding enough food to feed the party in wilderness or grassland, 2/6 in a city, 1/6 in a dungeon.
6. Bravery: Whenever a fight breaks out you may elect to suffer from Fear, as the spell, and immediately make a saving throw, making a save at the top of each round. If you save against this effect then you may consider enemies you engage this round to be under the effects of Fear for a number of rounds equal to what you experienced, minimum 1, no save.
7. Plain Hobbit Sense: You always use your best/lowest save when dealing with mind-affecting magic/effects unless the source of that mind alteration is beer or drugs, in which case you are a lightweight and take any penalties for the effects after one dose.
8. Redecorating: You make anywhere you sleep more homey. A Hobbit camp lets everyone who rests there regain 1 extra HP cumulative per night they and the Hobbit have slept there/settled in. If your players automatically reset to max HP after a night's rest, don't, but if you do anyway then add this bonus instead to the first healing the characters receive between safe night's rests, under the logic that a morning's invigoration puts one on the right foot throughout the day. Add 1 to the odds of a wandering monster check when Hobbit camping in the wilderness or dungeon.
9. Overlooked: Your enemies who ambushed your party literally just don't look down and see you. You never act in a surprise round but are never targeted, unless you are alone.
10. Hustler: Hobbits are passingly familiar with most common games and better at learning new games. If a Hobbit engages a NPC in a game as a distraction or tries to cheat at the game they add their level to the attempt.
11. Dressed For Movement: Hobbits dress for comfort and like lots of layers, because it's like taking a blanket with you. The first missile attack targeting a Hobbit always makes a hole in their clothes but leaves them unscathed, although arrows and bolts will pin them in place. When falling this has a 1/10 chance of snagging them halfway down the fall, but when climbing it has a 1/10 chance of snagging them and causing a fall.
12. Far From Home: A reminder of your life back home - being able to score your favorite tobacco, hearing someone else sing an old folk song, running into another Hobbit - eases your homesickness so much that it can overcome the effects of game elements like level drain or sanity loss, and in the presence of these players who are cursed or wield a cursed object are not affected by this curse. All these examples have a limited shelf life/benefit proximity so you're not untouchable but you can endure the strange foreign lands you encounter a bit better.
13. A Bit O' The Drink: You respond well to a little liquid hospitality. A tall warm pint reinvigorates you as from a night of rest.
14. Sworn to Carry Your Burdens: Magic or cursed items never count toward your encumbrance.
15. Friendship is Magic: If there is another Hobbit or halfling (meh) in the party you are each +1 AC. If there are three Hobbits (but not halflings) in the party you each gain +2 to hit. If there are Hobbits, FOUR Hobbits, in the party then you all gain +1 Constitution. If this puts your Constitution above 7 you do not lose your existing abilities.
16. Hillfolk: You wayfind and identify herbal, fruiting, or decorative flora as a Ranger of the same level, or 3/6 chance. You also have a 95% chance of tracking foxes and sheep.
17. Reputable: Your exploits have a life of their own, even if you toil in obscurity. Once per session you can confer a boastful title upon yourself, your allies, or one of your carried weapons.This duplicates the effect of an NPC's failed Morale check.
18. Bill: Any ponies you ever own gain +2HP every time you level and can Hear Noise/Search and Hide/Move in Shadows/Sneak as a Thief/Specialist of your current level. You may also use a Thief/Specialist's Climb rating to keep your saddle or navigate difficult terrain with this pony. They gain Morale 12 while you are alive.
19. Rally Monkey: When you suffer damage from a critical hit your allies benefit as if from a surprise round on the next round of combat.
20. That Dank Shit: You can always find pipe weed when shopping, and you (and only you) can always exchange pipe weed for spell casting or alchemical services.

New DCC Dwarven Jobs & Backgrounds

In this post, we continue to flesh out the slightly samey-trending jobs of DCCRPG. Or just use this for whatever Dweorg characters you make in other games. 

 I tried to envision a society that is often underground and deals with fantastic flora and fauna. No doubt they kill and eat many underworlders too. Also, my thing about dweorgas being made out of treasure is seeded in here.

1. Turnspit (rat-skewer rotator “one time I roasted a wumpus”)

   • Trained Weapon: Spit-rod (as club)

   • Trade Goods: Roasted meat skewer, apron stained with grease, underworld cookbook

2. Pick-harness (battlefield scavenger and smith)

   • Trained Weapon: Crowbar (as club)

   • Trade Goods: Salvaged armor scraps, pouch of rivets, rags of various oil saturations

3. Pinchpenny or Clutchfist ("Strict financial records must be kept." Note that Dwarven greed is primarily centered around building new dwarves of precious materials, lest abominations be made.)

   • Trained Weapon: Coin purse (as flail)

   • Trade Goods: Ledger of debts, pouch of copper coins

4. Sawbones ("Bite down on this")

   • Trained Weapon: Bonesaw (as dagger)

   • Trade Goods: Healing salve, set of surgical tools, leather dentata

5. Gulchcup (bartender/shroom-wine sommlier/mine quartermaster)

   • Trained Weapon: Tankard (as club)

   • Trade Goods: Firkin of moss-ale, drinking goat-horn

6. Mix-metal (silversmith that works in pewter and copper too)

   • Trained Weapon: Ingot-hammer (as club)

   • Trade Goods: Ingot of silver, set of jeweler’s tools, planishing-hammer, damascene pauldrons, mithril wire

7. Pick-lock (locksmith/trapsmith)

   • Trained Weapon: Crowbar (as club)

   • Trade Goods: Lockpicks, pouch of stolen trinkets, fine tools & screws

8. Chiurge-dirt or Chiurgydirty (gem-miner/sapper)

   • Trained Weapon: Pickaxe (as ax)

   • Trade Goods: Pouch of gemstones, miner’s lantern, shovel, battle-scars

9. Boxsqueeze ("I play. You sing. We split the tips.")

   • Trained Weapon: Knife

   • Trade Goods: Squeezebox, plaque of folk tunes

10. Waxcrack (Cave apiarist and fissure sealer)

    • Trained Weapon: Candle-iron (as club)  

    • Trade Goods: Blocks of tallow, wick coils, sealed letters, bee-censer

11. Shite-poke (“Aye, me if only goat-gong were as good as dwarf-dung...”)

    • Trained Weapon: Shovel (as ax)

    • Trade Goods: Bag of manure, gardening gloves

12. Fetch-water

    • Trained Weapon: Yoke (as staff)

    • Trade Goods: Rope, cave-bear bladders, dowsing-rod

13. Sweep-chimney (spelunkers and declunks the sooty tubes that lead out)

    • Trained Weapon: Broom (as staff and extendible rod)

    • Trade Goods: Bag of soot, cleaning rags

14. Turnwheel (“I got an ax to grind...”)

    • Trained Weapon: Wrench (as club), awl (as dagger)

    • Trade Goods: Brass gears, leather belts, whetstone

15. Blowcoal

    • Trained Weapon: Fire-poker (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Bag of coal, bellows, faggot-craddle

16. Forge-ax ( “No nobler weapon than an ax. Hammers are for forging.”

    • Trained Weapon: Forge-hammer (as club), and an axe, of course

    • Trade Goods: Bundle of iron ingots, whetstone

17. Blasstunnel

    • Trained Weapon: Dynamite plunger (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Satchel of blasting powder, miner’s goggles, bag of guano powder

18. Guard-horde

    • Trained Weapon: Halberd, small shield

    • Trade Goods: Iron keyring, set of manacles

19. Gempolish (lapidary)

    • Trained Weapon: Gem cutter (as dagger)

    • Trade Goods: Pouch of uncut gems, polishing cloth, jeweler's lathe

20. Bitesheep (fiery preacher allowed to level as a cleric of a dweog-god)

    • Trained Weapon: Holy rune-graven censer (as flail)

    • Trade Goods: Tome of sermons, vial of holy water

21. Fist-bread (pit-fighter)

    • Trained Weapon: Brass knuckles

    • Trade Goods: Bloodstained bandages, pouch of betting tokens

22. BrightStatue (clan statue-breeder)

    • Trained Weapon: Chisel (as dagger)

    • Trade Goods: Small stone statue, block of marble, gold-leaf

23. Spout-deep (deep lore sage)

    • Trained Weapon: Rune-etched staff (as quarterstaff)

    • Trade Goods: Ancient tome, vial of glowing ink, tattoos of lore

24. WardShaft

    • Trained Weapon: Spear

    • Trade Goods: Map of tunnels, horn for signaling, lantern, mirror on a stick

25. Gather-growth ( “vegi-pigmies are good eating”)

    • Trained Weapon: Sickle (as dagger)

    • Trade Goods: Basket of edible mushrooms, spore pouch, moss-nori sheets

26. Brewdank (professional drunk)

    • Trained Weapon: Keg tap (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Barrel of fungal ale, drinking horn

27. Rake-ore

    • Trained Weapon: Sorting rake (as staff)

    • Trade Goods: Pouch of rare ores, magnifying lens

28. Splashwall

    • Trained Weapon: Paintbrush (as dart)

    • Trade Goods: Pots of pigment, sketchbook

29. Graverune

    • Trained Weapon: Chisel (as dagger)

    • Trade Goods: Set of runestones, hammer

30. Skewerfish

    • Trained Weapon: Fishing spear

    • Trade Goods: Net, fish-trap, bucket of blind cave fish

31. Breathlamp

    • Trained Weapon: Lamp pole (as staff)

    • Trade Goods: Flask of oil, set of matches, pot of glowworms

32. Scaresong (tongue for hire)

    • Trained Weapon: Tuning fork (as dagger)

    • Trade Goods: Hurdy-gurdy, sheet of ancient songs

33. Keep-pig

    • Trained Weapon: Butcher's knife (as ax)

    • Trade Goods: Bag of offal, a potbellied cave-pig

34. Chartdeep (depths plunger that goad pet giant worms to help clear passages)

    • Trained Weapon: Worm-prick (as spear)

    • Trade Goods: Map of the deep, ink and quill, scroll, soup-pellets, giant earthworm

35. Crack-coal (fire-starters that use heat to aid mining)

    • Trained Weapon: Log-dog (as mace)

    • Trade Goods: Compound saw, chains, miner’s lantern

36. Gather-blud

    • Trained Weapon: Oil can (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Flask of lamp oil, funnel, firkin of pitch

37. Dig-root

    • Trained Weapon: Spade (as ax)

    • Trade Goods: Bundle of edible roots, trowel

38. Husbandgoat ("They're not ready!")

    • Trained Weapon: Crook (as staff)

    • Trade Goods: d3 blind cave goats, milking pail

39. Mill-bone

    • Trained Weapon: Grindstone (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Bag of flour, bag of bone-meal, mortar and pistil
      

40. Catch-rat

    • Trained Weapon: Trap-cage (as flail)

    • Trade Goods: Cage of live rats, smoked rat jerky

41. Breed-worm (breed both small and giant varieties)

    • Trained Weapon: Shovel (as staff)

    • Trade Goods: Jar of cave worms, compost bin, mull-moss, cave-silk, grunting-sticks

42. Vent-gas

    • Trained Weapon: Venting rod (as spear)

    • Trade Goods: Gas mask, bladders

43. Sunder-stone

    • Trained Weapon: Chisel (as dagger)

    • Trade Goods: Block of marble, hammer, pins and feathers (shims)

44. Mend-tunnel

    • Trained Weapon: Hammer (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Bag of stone bricks, mortar, nails

45. Guide-deep

    • Trained Weapon: Lantern pole (as staff)

    • Trade Goods: Map of the deep, flask of oil, homing-bat

46. Bake-ash

    • Trained Weapon: Tongs (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Loaf of ash-baked bread, bag of flour

47. Dry-mold

    • Trained Weapon: Drying rack crook (as staff)

    • Trade Goods: Bundle of dried mushrooms, spore pouch

48. Scout-deep 

    • Trained Weapon: Dagger

    • Trade Goods: Map of uncharted tunnels, climbing gear, homing bat, rock-ghuillie suit, cave-eye salve

49. Pebble-stone

    • Trained Weapon: Sledgehammer (as club)

    • Trade Goods: Bag of gravel, chisel

50. Slay-chud

    • Trained Weapon: Sword

    • Trade Goods: Chud-leather armor, shield

Introducing Shremlane Hexcrawl

I’ve had a few groups visit Shremlane over the years, and have been tinkering with it since like 2012. It’s basically a misery crawl, but hopefully the odd encounters keep the players coming back. I’m trying to iron out the procedures for the latest foray. Those groping trees are really stressful!

Procedures:

Enter new hex or get to midway point→Roll 2d6

• Sides add to seven→Underworld entrance spotted! Permanent find; mark it.
• Sides are adjacent numbers→Trail spotted. Trails are not permanent. The trees are dicks.
• Sides match→Encounter! Roll a d20 the first time, d30 the second, and d60 the third+ time.

Travel times & stress cost: 

Always confirm the times to start a day, add extra time for incidentals, rations should be consumed every six hours (stress if you skip meals).

• king’s road: On hour per ½ hex/Two hours per hex. No stress
• trail: Two hours per ½ hex/Four hours per hex. One stress point
• no trail or road: Three hours per ½ hex/Six hours per hex. Three stress points

Background:

Shremlane forest is a cursed place. A generation or so in the past, it was host to a group of peace-loving humans called the Shmisdanis. Then, as always seems to happen, barbarians invaded from the north, sacked the stronghold of the Shmisdanis which was also the heart of the forest, and then went on their way. People say that the barbarians were after the treasure of the Shmisdanis. Others say the Shmisdanis failed to keep up the accords they had created with nature and the forest, thus letting the barbarians slip in as punishment. No doubt more blood than sap was shed that day.

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d12 cool ass treasures drawn from real life.

You can show your players these pictures as you dole out the pelf!

1.  Ring with Minerva Bust 
2. Dark Ivory Articulated Doll (or the mummy that it came with) 
3. Bronze head with gold ear-rings 
4.  Tattle-tell slave collar
5. An abacus-ring 
6. Really old pants 
7. A dragonfly helmet 
8. Oil lamp in the shape of a foot cuz everyone thinks that'll smell good 
9. Shut up I can have a second roman ring in my list 
10. The Lycurgus Cup, drag me to hell
11. Bubbly copper scorpion fossil 
12. DMs who don't use safety tools are dicks 
    

 

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