Tuesday, April 19, 2022

On the Spontaneous Generation of Porcs


Recently my group started playing FAGE RPG. And players were like, rolling my race herp derp I'm a gnome! Hey me too!  And I'm like, nah, you are just dwarves tho. And the book was like, be an orc too, and I was like, I don't know if I want that cuz orcs are kinda basic, but the players gnashed their terrible teeth and so here we are.

First off, orcs are porks. They have pig faces and lolling tongues. Second, porks are not a normal species per say; they are a phenomenon. They grow out of underworld dank. They bubble out of ritually-cooked elf corpses. They roll, unbidden, out of necromancers' shadows. They spawn with weapons that moulder away if the pork dies.

They have no souls, and are anthromorphosized expressions of evil in mankind's collective unconciousness. They don't have babies, love, or lust. No creedos, tastes, or art. They instinctively gather to further the aims of evil. They posses language only as a means to decieve and demoralize. They are arguably not even sentient, so they can't be tortured nor successfully negotiated with. You shouldn't feel bad about slaying them; they are humanoid viruses, and their resemblance to humans and pigs is a cosmic parody at best. 

But. Sometimes. One gains a soul. Who can say how. Afflicted with a mind and feelings, they wander off. They learn. They walk, blinking in the sunlight. They learn fire bad. They learn of gods and to curse them. 

Those that survive sapience might become adventurers.

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