On the Spontaneous Generation of Porcs

Recently my group started playing FAGE RPG. And players were like, rolling my race herp derp I'm a gnome! Hey me too!  And I'm like, nah, you are just dwarves tho. And the book was like, be an orc too, and I was like, I don't know if I want that cuz orcs are kinda basic, but the players gnashed their terrible teeth and so here we are.

First off, orcs are porks. They have pig faces and lolling tongues. Second, porks are not a normal species per say; they are a phenomenon. They grow out of underworld dank. They bubble out of ritually-cooked elf corpses. They roll, unbidden, out of necromancers' shadows. They spawn with weapons that moulder away if the pork dies.

They have no souls, and are anthromorphosized expressions of evil in mankind's collective unconciousness. They don't have babies, love, or lust. No creedos, tastes, or art. They instinctively gather to further the aims of evil. They posses language only as a means to decieve and demoralize. They are arguably not even sentient, so they can't be tortured nor successfully negotiated with. You shouldn't feel bad about slaying them; they are humanoid viruses, and their resemblance to humans and pigs is a cosmic parody at best. 

But. Sometimes. One gains a soul. Who can say how. Afflicted with a mind and feelings, they wander off. They learn. They walk, blinking in the sunlight. They learn fire bad. They learn of gods and to curse them. 

Those that survive sapience might become adventurers.

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Share good posts with good goblins. Claytonian at the gmails.

Horrors and Guardians Under the Keep That Contains the Dark Lord

NOTE: I found this draft from like 10 years ago. It was the proto-Calabraxis. You can see it if you squint.  I'm not sure where the map is, but it wasn't super important.

DCC FAQ

I'm currently running Tomb of Horrors as a DCC funnel, so good time as any to dust off the FAQ from the old g+ days.

DCC FAQs

Q: How do you "roll over the body"?

A: Roll a d20. Try to roll your Luck score or lower. That's a Luck check/roll the body roll. Keep in mind zero levels don't get to check; they die at 0HP.

Q: How long is a turn?

A: 10 minutes! Keep this in mind when looking at spell results.

Q: When do PCs level up?

A: Whenever the judge says they do. The RAW recommends leveling to 1, regardless of XP, for any survivors of a funnel. Some people allow leveling in the funnel, on the spot, if a PC makes 10XP.

>Whether you want to have PCs level up instantaneously upon gaining requisite XP or make them wait until they are safe or even make them carouse is a matter of taste.

Q: What is best in life?

A: Crush your enemies. See them driven before you. Hear the lamentations of their women.

Q: What's the rule for _____?

A: You are the game judge, so make something up! But later you can find the info hidden by GG in a spell result or something weird like that. DCC, bitches. For instance, invisibility rules hidden in spell and mighty deed descriptions.

Q: Do halflings give 2 Luck to other PCs, or just 1?

A: Two Luck.

Source: Word of god. http://www.goodman-games.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=85192#p85192

Q: What is the deed die added to?

A: All attack rolls and damage rolls. Roll it when first attacking, and don't re-roll it when rolling damage; just add it to your damage total.

>Whether you roll the die more than once for separate attacks in the same round (i.e. after hitting level 5) is kinda moot, but go with whatever is easiest for your players.

Q: Do dwarves get a deed on their shield bash?

A: Probably not, unless they haven't used their deed on their main attack(s). This one is contentious.

There were a few g+ posts about it, but they’re gone now. The Judge will have to make a ruling!

Q: How do I get a Goodman Games forum account to work?

A: send an email to info@goodman-games.com

Q: What's a good funnel?

A: See above, but here is a list of funnels. Haven't heard of a bad funnel yet. http://ravencrowking.blogspot.ca/2015/12/all-funnels.html

Q: What does one use for a GM's screen?

A: Official ones have been in the wild for a while now. If your question is about customizable screen materials, ask in a general RPG community or at your FLGS. Or Staples.

Q: Can I choose any spell result?

A: Generally, no, you go with the result you rolled. But some spells specifically allow you to choose lower results. Mercurial magic gets into this a bit too.

Q: Where can I buy weird dice?

A: All the places.

You can also use the app Crawlers' Companion from Purple Duck (see community links).

Q: What patrons are out there?

A: Well, that isn't clear at this time (there are many), but modules with new patrons are listed out here (edit if you know new ones): https://docs.google.com/document/d/13xV5z0TCCBNM3NWbBIFSsqMdJC-zfMBl5bN9aXAQGPU/edit

Q: What happens when you roll a natural 20 on a spell check?

A: Add double your level instead of 1x your level to the spell check total.

Q: How does surprise work?

A: p77 (4th printing) says:

But first, determine surprise. If the characters were not aware of their opponents (or vice versa), they are surprised. Being aware of an opponent means seeing them, making a check to hear them approach, or otherwise noticing them through magical or mundane means. Surprised characters do not act in the first round of combat. After the first round they act normally on their initiative count.

Q: What has been made for this game?

A: Find or add stuff at

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13xV5z0TCCBNM3NWbBIFSsqMdJC-zfMBl5bN9aXAQGPU/edit

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Share good posts with good goblins. Claytonian at the gmails.

Zeroth Level DCC PC Macro for Roll20

Nobody will ever use this, but just I think macros are neat. Let's make a PC! And hey, take the plunge and run a funnel in the tomb of horrors like I did. It's a lot of fun.

&{template:default} {{name=**A new gong-farmer emerges**}} {{Str= [[ 3d6 ]] }} {{Agil= [[ 3d6 ]] }} {{Sta= [[ 3d6 ]] }} {{Int= [[ 3d6 ]] }} {{Pers= [[ 3d6 ]] }} {{Luck= [[ 3d6 ]] }} {{Star-sign=[[d30]]}}{{HP=[[d4]] (plus STA mod!)}} {{starting CP=[[5d12]] coins}} {{table 3-4 Misc equip=[[d24]]}} {{Occupation=[[d100]]}}
if you are a demi-human, you have some quirks from the get-go (p21)

Use this and you get something like: 

A new gong-farmer emerges

Str	6
Agil	9
Sta	11
Int	8
Pers	12
Luck	14
Star-sign	1
HP	2 (plus STA mod!)
Starting CP	47 coins
Table 3-4 Misc equip	13
Occupation	32

if you are a demi-human, you have some quirks from the get-go (p21)

 

Note that you may want to change the macro a bit if you think your players will get confused and think that literally every zero guy is a gong farmer.

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Share good posts with good goblins. Claytonian at the gmails.

Whence Monsters? And Wherefore?

Where do monsters come from? I've thought of a few generators over the years.

Drunk gods: Gods have too much ambrosia ale and mate with things all the time. This creates ur-beasts, immortal monsters that sire many progeny in turn.

Mutations: In the last few æons, tech evolved to the point where someone smashed atoms (usually the harbinger of that æon's end). Slow mutants are a common result, but Godzilla style beasts are out there.

Death: Humanoid souls are ridiculously hard to keep asleep. There are multiple aspects to a soul, BTW. The egyptobuddists warned us!

Underworld spontaneous generation: Some of the most common dungeon baddies seem to sprout this way. Orcs, goblins, slimes, &c. Maybe a spore-based phenomena.

Sin: Many is a mortal whose outer form comes to represent their dark heart. Dwarves know the wages of sin. Great evil doers may get their own domain. Evil people make for evil dead.

Wizards & Mad Scientists: They love a good hybrid. Or robot. Or cyborg hybrid. Most lose control of their creations.

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Share good posts with good goblins. Claytonian at the gmails.

Retroactive theivin' in elfgames

You don't want to narrate tapping sticks throughout the whole tomb of horrors

 

This is not going to be a long post. It's just a little tip.

The following is usually my default rule. Instead of having the player declare that they are checking for traps, I just wait until a trap is sprung and have the PCs roll retroactively to see if they noticed the trap ahead of time and so were able to dodge it, roll to disarm it, &c.

When I notice that PC paranoia is slowing things too much, I often restate this procedure for the players.

This procedure is best for trapped chests, nefarious doors, cursed treasure, Arduinian hallways, and the like. It's probably good to have obviously dangerous areas in most situations. For instance, a swinging scythes hallway is something to solve, not to detect. Give big ol' clues. Players will die in entertaining ways anyhow, and it won't be the DM's fault.

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Share good posts with good goblins. Claytonian at the gmails.

Feels good thief skills

One of my players of our Arduin hack said I should post about how the thieves work. As the rules are currently written, any class can attempt any mundane action within reason. To do so, they just have to roll their check number or higher (each class has one and it gets one smaller each level up)*. The thieves get +1d to do a litany of thievy things though. +1d means at least a d24, but species or whathaveyou can bump that up to a d30 or more.
Any class can try skullduggery, but thieves do it better.

And that's it. But actually, I have been thinking of doing something similar with the other three classes. For instance, fighters have the worst check number to reflect that they are mostly focused on killing. But I've been thinking that instead of a better Base Attack Bonus, maybe I shouldn't have BAB in the game and instead just let the fighters get +1d to combat... not to mention bending bars, kicking in doors, intimidating infants, and so on. 

Yes the temptation to hack my hack is rising. You'd best make a copy of the google doc before I do if you like it as it is.
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*: Think I heard this was a Swords and Wizardry thing. But maybe you roll low in that game? I dunno. This ABAM game is an unholy alliance between Dave Hardgrave's books, old DnD, and DCCisms. You can even find mighty deeds kinda hidden in the variant classes.

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Share good posts with good goblins. Claytonian at the gmails.